For a number of years, I felt extremely motivated when it came to writing articles, and I had a strong need to become a successful author. There was no middle ground; it was a case of hitting the big time or nothing at all.
When I was able to take a step back and to look into why I was behaving in this way, I found it hard to understand what was going on. This wasn’t something that I did very often, though, as I was so caught up in my need to be a success.
And as I have said above, being successful meant rising to the top and being a well-known author. Consequently, just about everything else in my life faded into the background; I did other things, but these things were not anywhere near as important.
I believed that if I wrote enough articles and books, it would only be a matter of time before I was able to reach my goal. Said another way, I was going to use will power to achieve what I wanted.
The reason I had moments when I found it hard to understand what was going on was because, for most of my life, I wasn’t really that motivated when it came to this area of my life. It was then as though all this drive had come out of nowhere.
At the same time, perhaps it came down to the fact that I hadn’t come across anything before that really interested me. I was like a machine that primarily existed to write; also, I often wondered if I was keeping the writing going or if the writing was keeping me going.
It Gradually Became Clear
Through my own reflection, research, and the conversations I had with a friend, I was able to see what was going on. One of the main things that were driving my behaviour was what I believed about myself at a deeper level.
Deep down, I believed that I was worthless, and this set me up to believe that my value was defined by what I did. So, as I felt so low on the inside, it meant that I had to rise to an extremely high level on the outside.
The Next Step
I then had to let go of the beliefs that I had formed, as well as the emotional pain that was within me. This was something that I was able to do during the beginning of last year.
After this had taken place, I didn’t lose the desire to write – far from it. However, instead of needing something to happen, I was able to settle down and to go back to fully enjoying the process of writing.
That is in addition to realising that my value was based on who I was and not on what I did. As a result of this, my need to express myself was able to take over, and this made it easier for me to connect to what really mattered.
What also surprised me during this time was that I wasn’t as motivated and I longer had an overarching need to become a successful author. I was in a better place mentally and emotionally than I had been before, but I knew that there would be people out there who would have a different outlook.
A Common View
For example, when it comes to the self-development world, it is often said that being highly motivated is part of having high self-esteem. According to this, my change in behaviour would be a sign that my self-esteem was no longer as high.
Yet, when this is seen as the absolute truth, it doesn’t go into how someone’s need to achieve something can just be way for them to avoid how we feel. With this in mind, when someone has a strong desire to achieve something or is highly motivated in general, it doesn’t always mean that they value themselves – it could show the complete opposite.