After my father had been moved to a closer hospital, towards the end of 2011, we were pleased that it would be a lot easier to visit him. Even so, this was a time when he was on a life support machine, so it wasn’t as if we could have a conversation with him.
There were times when I would take my mother up there and at other times, my granddad would also come along. My mother would say things to him, but this wasn’t something that I was able to do.
I Didn’t Know How to Respond
My grandmother had passed on when I was younger and my uncle had also lost his life a number of years before, so it wasn’t as though this was all new. I had also worked at a crematorium when I was younger.
However, what was different was that the person lying in front of me was my father - this time it was different. I did remember hearing about how someone can still hear what you say even though they are not conscious.
Back to Work
When I visited my father, it would usually be after I had finished work, and when I was at work I did what I could to carry on as normal.
Some of the people where I worked knew what was taking place, but I don’t think I spoke about it much; if I did, it was only with certain people. I just wanted to focus on what I was doing and not have people bring it up all the time.
No More Uncertainty
After a number of things were done to try to keep my father alive, it became clear that he wasn’t going to make it. If they had tried to do more, it would have just caused even more damage.
The life support machine would be tuned off and this would stop him from having to suffer any longer. I’m not sure how long they said that he would live for, but it wasn’t a very long time.
One Last Time
When I went to see my father, for what would the last time I would see him, I felt extremely tired. I sat down next to him and listened to what my mother had to say, and it wasn’t long before I fell asleep.
I think I had a dream, but I’m not sure; what I am sure about is that when I woke up, I had this sense that everything would be Ok. Intellectually, I wasn’t sure what had just taken place.
A Special Moment
Perhaps this was a time when another part of me was communicating with another part of my father, and this was why my mind had this outlook. Yet, as my father was unable to communicate with me directly, this makes sense.
This doesn’t mean that since my father has passed on my life has been a walk in the park, far from it. What I believe was meant by what I was told was that I would be able to handle what would happen in the future.