After I had got back from Australia and Bali in 2003, I started to change quite rapidly. Before I had been away, I had only read a few books, and these were books that I had to read for school.
But after being drawn to a book whilst I was in Australia, I was now reading on a regular basis. The book that I bought whilst I was away was written was by Louis L Hay, and shortly after I got back I started to read another book that she had written.
Reading these books was like being given food after going without it for a few days; I couldn’t get enough. After I had read the second book, I started to read books on Buddhism.
What may have play a part here is that when I was in Australia I visited a Buddhist temple. This was the Nan Tien Temple on the southern outskirts of the Australian city of Wollongong.
Loss of Interest
Through reading these books, I started to lose interest in some of the things that I had done before. I was the kind of person who made just about everyone laugh on a night out, and this usually meant that I was quiet harsh at times.
Yet, as a result of being away and reading about Buddhist, I no longer wanted to behave in this way. I didn’t want to judge people either, and the people I spent time with found it hard to understand what was going on, understandably so.
Out of Balance
As time when by I came to see that I had gone too far, and after a little while I gradually started to come back into the middle. I would go out but I wouldn’t be able to behave in the same way.
And as I had changed, I no longer felt as connected as I did before to the people I was spending time with. Even so, we continued to spend time together and there were times when it seemed as though nothing had changed.
But as I had changed and the people around me were still the same, there was only ever going to be one outcome. There was a moment that I remember clearly to this day, that had a big effect on the relationship I had with someone at the time.
I made it clear that I didn’t want to behave in a certain way anymore and he wasn’t willing to accept this. And although I was severely criticised by them, it wasn’t the first time that I had been on the receiving end of one of their tirades.
After this we still spoke, but I came to see that our relationship was over. I had got to the point where I was no longer emotionally connected to the relationship.
So, while we still had the memories, what we didn’t have was friendship that was going anywhere. It wasn’t as if I had other friends at this point who were on the same page, though, but that didn’t hold me back.
Part of Life
At the time, I felt let down, and I couldn’t understand why this was taking place. Yet as time passed, I was able to realise that not all relationships are supposed to last forever.
We are, after all, individuals, and as we change the kind of people who we want to spend time with can change. And if we do change, there is no guarantee that the people we spend time with will also change, and why should they.