After I had met a woman who gave readings and did a number of other things, in 2003, I wanted to know more. So, after I had been away for a number weeks, I went to see this woman again.
When we got together, my mother and sister would often come along, too, and this was a time when this woman would often give us her insights. And, as there was a lot of drama in my family, it meant that she had a lot to say.
In One Ear and Out the other
Still, a lot of what she said didn’t make much difference, as it wasn’t as if anything was actually going to change. I sensed that it would take something fairly significant for anything to change.
I thought about this for years, and sadly it did take something significant in order for change to occur. Anyway, even though what she said didn’t have a big effect on what was taking place at home, I appreciated the fact that she was in my life.
On the Same Page
I didn’t really know anything about spirituality or psychology, but I felt that this was someone who actually valued me. She saw something in me that other people hadn’t seen, and this had a big effect on me.
I grew up in an environment where I my value was based on what I did, which caused me to become a human doing. If I did what I was told, I would be fine but, if I didn’t, I would be in a lot of trouble.
A Short Break
In a way, it was as if I was living on a hellish island and, when I saw her, I was able to leave this place, if only for a short while. Ultimately, another part of me was beginning to develop through coming into contact with her, and this might not have happened if we hadn’t crossed paths.
Yet, while part of my true-self was being given the opportunity to come out, this was also a time when the false that if had created was gradually being replaced by another mask. Deep down, I felt as though I didn’t belong and that I didn’t have any value, amongst other things.
A New Identity
There was the feedback that she gave me and then there was what I was learning about, and this allowed me to feel better about myself. One of the things that I learned during this time was Reiki.
I had felt inferior to others but I soon started to see myself as being better than others; after all, I was “special” and I could do things they couldn’t, or so I was told. But as I didn’t have firm foundations, there were still moments when I had to face my true feelings.
It All Changed
A number of years after this, around 2007, I ended up doing a course, and this was when everything came crashing down. There was a moment on this course when the teacher said that no one is better than anyone else.
My false-self couldn’t believe what it had just heard and it was around this time that my true feelings returned. It wasn’t long, though, until I ended up creating another false self in its place.
The Last Time
As time went by I became more aware of my true-self and, after a relationship came to an end in the beginning of 2013, I could no longer maintain the false-self that I had created. I had no other choice than to face my true feelings.
This has to be one of the most challenges times in my life. Fortunately, I kept going and, over time, I found the assistance that I desperately needed.