A number of years ago, I got together with a friend and he spoke about a video that he wanted to make on domestic violence. This was one of many that he was looking to put together.
I think that the video he made after this was on knife crime, with the next one being about the masks that we wear. This was someone who had a good understanding of this area, so it wasn’t as though he desperately needed my input for this video.
The video on domestic violence was all about shedding light on what can take place when someone is in abusive relationship. This video would then allow people to become aware of what they need to look out for.
The video on knife crime was primarily for people who were thinking of using a knife, and the kind of consequences that could arise if they were to do so. I thought that this was a great idea.
The Same Level
The alternative would have been for him to say that it is wrong to use a knife, and to present himself as some kind of authority figure. The downside to this, of course, is that it would have caused some people to get defensive.
It would then have been normal for them to close down and to disregard everything that was in the video. Yet, by simply presenting what could happen if they were to use a knife, someone can see for themselves.
There have been other times when we have got together and he has asked me why I wanted to do something. And when I had done something, he asked me what I was looking to receive.
When this has taken place, it has been away for him to see if I was aware of what my true motives were. During this time, I came to see that while I thought I knew why I wanted to do something, this wasn’t always the case.
A Gentle Approach
At first, I wasn’t sure how to handle these kinds of questions and I felt uncomfortable. This wasn’t because of how he asked these questions, as it wasn’t as though he was trying to pull me down.
It was simply due to the fact that I hadn’t really been asked these kinds of questions before. Ultimately, the type of questions that he asked me, were no different to the type of questions that he asked himself.
If he has wanted to explain how something works, and this could relate to how we manifest things into our life, he has often used an experience from his own life. Through listening to what he went through, it then allowed me to get a better understating.
However, if he had spoken about something without giving me an example from his own life, it would have been a lot harder for me to connect to what he was saying. Fortunately, Wain, the person who I have been talking about, is now offering his services to the world.
If you would like to watch the videos that Wain has created, please click on this link -https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfgGbRwY6PsoquScdjLk4Qw. And, if you would like to find out more the services that he offers, please go to - https://www.timetorelax.space/
When I first got into self-development, about a year I left school, I wanted to share what I had learnt with my family. But although I was extremely curious and wanted to find out as much as I could, my family were not really interested.
After talking about what I had learnt and being put down on numerous occasions, I started to limit how often I would talk about this kind of stuff. My granddad would often say that I should be a politician.
When it was just my father and I, he would take the time to listen to what I had to say, even if he didn’t agree with it. My mother, on the other hand, had a very short attention span and her attention would often disappear whenever she didn’t want to hear something.
Either her eyes would go somewhere else and she would be distracted by something, or she would end up walking away, while saying that she was still listening. In addition to simply wanting to share what I had learnt, I also wanted to help my parents.
It was clear that they were both highly stressed, and I believed that what I had learnt could make their life better. Another problem here was that I was there son, so what did I know!?
If I wasn’t related to them and I wore a white coat, perhaps it would have been easier for me to get through to them. Fortunately, my father was open-minded enough to work with a healer when he had bone cancer.
The Main Reason
What played a big part here was that his mother had been healed by a faith healer, so this made him more receptive. Around this time I had been working with a healer called, Errol Campbell, and I thought that it would be a good idea for my father to work with him.
My father was grateful for his assistance; he said that working with Errol took a lot of the pain away. My mother had a bit of Reiki healing here and there - often provided by me - but it was extremely difficult to get through to her.
A Gradual Build-Up
From a young age, it was clear that she was not in a good way, and that is without even going into how cold and nasty she was at times. She was practically always stressed, and there was no doubt in my mind that she must have had a rough upbringing.
That’s not to say that that excuses her from the damage that she caused me and others; it is just to point out that her early years must have been when it all began. And before I started to learn about self-development, her brother was killed in a terrorist attack, which added another layer of stress and trauma to what was already there.
The First Sign
A little while after this, she had to go into hospital for some kind of op, and it was pretty serious. I remember speaking to one of her friends on the phone, who said that she needs to slow down and that she works too hard.
I said that I know she needs to slow down, but that my mother doesn’t listen and that she won’t change. A few years after this, she ended up having a stroke and that was the beginning of what would be a traumatic few years.
A Brick Wall
Trying to get through to my mother was often like speaking to a brick all, it was simply a waste of time. I would say that her motto would be something like, ‘I would rather die than change’.
Regardless of whether it related to something fairly trivial or something extremely serious, it didn’t really matter as it would rarely have an effect on her. Perhaps, after everything she had been through, from her early years to that point in time, a big part of her had closed off from life and no longer wanted to be here.
It is through being able to listen to other people and taking in new information that allows us to grow and to become aware of what we are not aware of. When the mind is completely closed, there is only going to be one outcome.
If I wanted to ask my mother something when I was younger, I would often wait until there were guests around. The reason for this was that I knew that there was less chance of my mother raising her voice or losing her temper.
Through having other guests around or oven just one person, it allowed me to say something to her without feeling completely on edge. But even if she didn’t lose it when she was around others, it didn’t mean that she wouldn’t change after they were not around.
Sometimes these guests were family friends and, at other times, they were staying at our house. Our house was a guest house, which meant that rarely did a day go by when there wasn’t at least one person saying there.
So, as her personality generally changed when these people were around, it made it a lot easier for me to settle down. But when it was just my family and I, I had to be on high alert.
My mother’s inner world had to be a place of extreme unrest; she must have felt emotionally raw for most of her waking hours. If I said something at the dinner table, whilst she was watching TV, it was as though I had said something extremely offensive.
It didn’t take a lot to set her off, the smallest thing would do it, and this behaviour moulded me into someone who was fearful, edgy and withdrawn. I ended up doing just about everything I could to please her.
Not only did I have to worry about my mother losing it over the smallest things, I had to worry about what my father would do, too. There would be moments when I would be hit by my father for doing something that displeased my mother.
Being hit was traumatising, but having a mother who was so emotionally volatile was far more destructive. When it came to the former, it would happen and that would be it, yet even though the latter wasn’t as intense, it wore me down.
The first type of abuse was physical and it could be said that the second type of abuse was psychological. This had a negative effect on my mental and emotional development, and it stopped me from being able to express myself.
My house was like a war zone, but although this was an extremely traumatising time in my life, I didn’t know that it wasn’t normal. This was just how my life was and I had no other choice than to tolerate it.
Absolutely No Idea
My mother would describe me as shy and quiet, and this is how my teachers at school would often describe me. Not only did my mother lack self-awareness, she also lacked the ability to see the effect that her behaviour was having on me and other family members.
It would be like meeting someone who has PTSD, due to being in a war zone, and saying that they are just shy or timid. When in reality, this is someone who has been through a hell of a lot, meaning it is going to be perfectly normal for them to behave in this manner.
The Importance of Awareness
As I look back on this time in my life, knowing what I know now and taking into account all of the healing work that I have done, I realise that what took place was dysfunctional and a clear sign that my mother was in a bad way. From what I know, I would say that her mother was just as unstable, and this caused her to have a similar experience as a child.
This also makes me think about how important awareness is; if someone is not aware, it is not going to be possible for them to stop themselves from behaving in a destructive manner. And, through being aware of what is taking place, they can get the help that they need to heal their pain and to no longer abuse others.
Towards the end of my time at school, I would work at a crematorium whenever I didn’t have to go in. There were times when I would tell people about what I did and their responses said a lot about the kind of job that I had.
Of course, it wasn’t that these people found it strange that I was gardening; it was the fact that I worked somewhere that was full of graves and where dead bodies were cremated. At first, I did think it was strange, but as time passed, I didn’t think much of it.
The Main Part
What I liked about it was that I would be working outside, and as I had done jobs outside from a very young age, I knew how to do a number of things in the garden. So, when I was working near the graves, I didn’t really think too much about what was around me.
I was focused on the job at hand, and everything else would fade into the background. Up until this point in my life, I had lost my grandmother (my mother’s mother), but I this took place at an age when I didn’t really know what was going on.
Also, I found my grandmother to be quite cold at times, and this meant that I often felt the need to keep my distance. It then wasn’t hard to realise that this woman was my mother’s mother, as they had a lot in common.
I remember speaking to my grandfather (my mother’s father) before he passed on, and he was talking about how cold my grandmothers mother was. He was then talking about one woman, yet he could have been talking about any of these three women.
It Didn’t Sink In
That’s three generations, and who knows how much further back it went. Anyway, her death didn’t have a big effect on me, and a number of years later, my uncle passed on, after being killed in a terrorist attack.
I had only met him a few times in my life, and a number of those times were when I was too young to realise who he was. This was because he worked in other countries as a hotel manger.
This All Changed
But from the times when I did meet him, I found him to be very different from my mother. He was fairly laid-back, easy to talk to, and he didn’t fly off the handle – I would have loved to have spent more time with him.
A number of years after this, at the end of 2011, my father passed on. This was when I found out what it was like to lose someone who I was close to and who meant a lot to me – it was as though the floor went from beneath my feet.
A Delayed Reaction
It took a couple of years for me to fully come to terms with what happened, and this was partly due to how much pain I was in around the time that he passed on and for a little while afterwards. Once I began to settle down, I started to get in touch with the grief that was within me.
I couldn’t believe that he had gone; I thought that he would always be there. He was unwell for a number for years, but he did what he could to carry on as normal; he was strong, there’s no doubt about it.
A Slow Process
And when I did come to terms with what happened, I felt low, really low. My chest was full of grief, and some of this grief related to the neglect that I had experienced as a child; I often wondered if l would be like this forever.
Fortunately, I was able to come into contact with people who could assist me and information that would point me in the right direction. Along with this, I had to do a lot of crying.
I have had moments when I have thought that my father passed on too soon and how I would give up everything I have created just to see him again. However, I know that there are no guarantees when it comes to how long someone will be around for.
He was in a lot of pain and deserved to be free from the pain that he was in; his time had come. And as strange as this may sound to someone who is not aware of my family background, it was as though his passing had liberating effect on my life.
Nowadays, when I got to this crematorium to see my father’s grave, along with the graves of other family members, I see the place in a completely different light. My days as a gardener there have faded into the background.
Around 2014, I no longer wanted to say yes all the time and to go along with what other people wanted. Not only this, there were times when I could stand my ground and say no.
For a little while before this, I could see what was talking place but I wasn’t able to do anything about it. I had been playing a role for so long - a role where it wasn’t possible for me to listen to my true needs and feelings.
The Main Area
This was something that typically effected how I behaved in my close relationships; however, this wasn’t how I behaved around everyone in my life. For example, one friend could ask me if I wanted to go out and I would just say yes.
I wouldn’t take the time to tune into my own needs and to see if this was what I actually wanted to do. When this happened, it was as though I was an extension of this person and didn’t have my own life to lead.
Through behaving in this way, I would often end up feeling drained. This was partly due to me not taking the time to relax and partly due to me not listening to my own needs.
But as my needs were often superseded by other people’s needs, it was to be expected that I would spend a lot of time feeling as though I was running on empty. When all this was going on, it was just a normal part of my life.
As a result of this, I would often feel as though I had no control over my life - that only other people had control. This didn’t mean that I would let these people know how I felt, as I felt the need to please them.
And by not paying attention to my anger, I would often feel down and depressed. It was this pain that gave me the strength that I needed to find a way to change my life; I wasn’t prepared to live like this forever.
Drawing the Line
So, when I was no longer willing to behave in the same way, it had a big effect on one of my relationships. Yet, as I had behaved in this way for quite some time, it must have come as a shock.
The role that I had played for so long fulfilled some of this persons needs, so now that I had changed, it was only natural for them to try to get me to revert to how I behaved before. When I first started to say no, I experienced a lot of fear but I had to stand my ground.
One person believed that I had ended up created walls, and couldn’t see that even though I didn’t want to see them as much, it didn’t mean that I no longer did anything. It was a challenge for them to see that their reality was not the only reality.
I would say that my change in behaviour triggered their own issues and this caused them to react in this manner. If they were aware of what was going on within them, it would have allowed them to own their pain.
It Got Easier
My behaviour as an adult was no different to how I had to behave when I was growing up, and this was a time when I had to do as I was told; if I didn’t, I may have been hit, neglected, or verbally abused. The trauma that I experienced during this time was what made it hard for me to connect and to express my true-self as an adult.
It became clear that I needed to work though this pain in order for me to feel safe enough to listen to myself. I could have just tried to change my behaviour or taken some kind of assertiveness training, but this wouldn’t have dealt with what was taking place at a deeper level.
When I was younger, I often found it hard to behave how I wanted to behave, and I was often described as being ‘shy’. This was something my mother would say, and there were moments when other people would say the same thing.
During this time in my life, my emotions were frequently out of control and I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t realise this at the time, though, as I would just end up feeling overwhelmed; I didn’t really know what emotions were at this stage of my life.
But even though I was seen in this way and I had all this stuff going on within me, I wasn’t willing to accept this description. So, while I didn’t know what was going on, I did know that this wasn’t a reflection of who I really was.
There were plenty of people around at this time who were happy to label me, but there were very few people who were willing to take the time to understand me. In a way, it was as though there was part of me that was strong and confident, and this part was being overshadowed by the part of me that wasn’t.
As The Years Went By
A few years after I finished school, I started to look into psychology and to see if I could find anything that would help me. At this point in my life, I believed that if I could increase my confidence everything would be fine.
I started reading books on self-development, and this had a positive effect on my behaviour, at least in the short-term. This was a time when I focused on my thoughts and behaviour, and I used affirmations and positive thinking.
The Same Outlook
I came to see my emotions as the problem, and believed that I needed to get rid of them. The techniques that I picked up in these books were then a way for me to keep my emotions at bay.
The way I treated my emotions was then very similar to how my parents treated this part of me when I was younger. Due to their own inability to deal with their own emotions, they were unable to show me how to deal with mine, and this meant that I also tried to suppress my emotions.
I soon realised that these techniques and tools were not cutting it; if anything, they were just a way for me to avoid my feelings. I thought that I was making progress; when in reality, I was simply avoiding myself.
Ultimately, I wasn’t ready to face what was going on within me, and I was supplied with a number of ways to avoid myself through reading these books. This was also a time in my life when I believed that it was all about adding things, as opposed to taking things away.
Thus, although I thought that I was ‘developing’ myself, I had simply found a way to decorate the false-self that I had created. I was then still living on the surface of myself, but I could tell myself that I was making progress.
It wouldn’t be right to say that this was all a waste of time, as this allowed me to gradually see what I needed to do. A number of years after this, I came to see that it wasn’t that I just lacked confidence; it was far more severe than that.
The reason I lacked confidence and my emotions were out of control, came down to the fact that I was abused and neglected as a child. Saying affirmations, thinking positive, and changing my behaviour, for instance, was not what I needed.
I didn’t need to add anything; I needed to face what was within me and to work through the layers of pain. Taking this approach was painful in the short-term, but it allowed me to settle down over time and to connect to my true-self.
When I met Wain in 2015, I thought that our paths had crossed in order for us to make videos together. For a little while before this, I had been looking for someone who made videos.
Not just anyone would do, though, as I was looking for someone who would be able to relate to where I was coming from. So, when I met him, I thought that all the pieces of the puzzle were coming together.
On The Path
In addition to having all the equipment that was needed to make videos, he was also someone who was into self-development. Yet, this didn’t mean that he felt the need to be happy all the time or to always have positive thoughts.
This was someone who wasn’t willing to simply live on the surface of life; he wanted to go deeper. Another way of looking at this would be to say that he wasn’t into this subject just to experience pleasure or to avoid himself.
After we first met, we started to get together every now and then, and I was surprised by how deep he was. He didn’t agree with everything I came out with and he would come out with the reason why this wasn’t the case soon after.
It was then not about him disagreeing for the sake of it, he wasn’t argumentative. As a result of this, I often felt uncomfortable and was unsure as to what his intentions were.
A Gradual Adjustment
The reason for this was that although part of me knew that he wasn’t doing this for the sake of it, another part of me wasn’t fully present. This part of me remembered what it was like when I was criticised as a child.
I stayed with it and overtime, this part of me came to see that he had his heart in the right place. Along with the moments when he would question what I came out with, he would often ask me why I wanted to achieve something and what I expected to gain after I had achieved something.
This was a time in my life when I was a human doing; I was completely focused on being a successful writer and writing my way to the top. What was behind all this was that I felt worthless and believed that reaching the top would allow me to feel good about myself.
Through feeling so low, it was a challenge for me to just be and to relax; if I did this, I would have got in touch with the feelings and thoughts that I was trying to run away from. Wain, on the other hand, didn’t have this approach, and I think that he was intrigued by my behaviour.
I found it hard to understand why he didn’t have more drive; especially as he had so much to offer on this subject. At the time, I believed that it was all about doing and taking action, and that being and letting go had no part to play.
Through working through my own layers of trauma and changing my outlook, I started to settle down. It became clear that even though I was doing so much, it wasn’t allowing me to achieve more.
A Frustrating Time
It was then as if I had pressed four on a calculator, pressed the add button, and then pressed four again, but instead of ending up with eight - after I had pressed the equals button - I ended up with two.
During this time, then, my masculine aspect was compensating for my undeveloped feminine aspect. Therefore, as I couldn’t let go and trust in the universe to give me what I needed, I was trying to use force to get what I needed, or what I thought I needed.
Out of Balance
If the universe worked in what could be classed as logical way, all this work would have resulted in me receiving more. However, as the universe is more concerned with how we feel and the vibration we are giving off, it meant that my reality mirrored back how I felt.
Ultimately, what it was doing wasn’t all that important; what was important was how I felt in each moment. I came to see that although Wain did want to share his views, he was going to do this at the right time.
I was so caught up in my mind that I couldn’t understand why he didn’t just take the next step right away. Through buying into what I had read in self-development books over the years and the conversations I had had with others, I had thought that it was all taking action and that there was no need to hold back.
I can now see how out of balance this outlook is, and how it doesn’t take into account how there can be a time to do something and a time to hold back. But when the masculine part of us has taken over, our mind, and the feminine part is overlooked, our body, this is to be expected.
There is no doubt that we came into contact with each other at just the right moment, and this was something that seemed to just happen. I thought I was just going to be helping a friend move house and out of nowhere, I meet someone like this.
As time has passed, Wain has shared more of this part of himself with the world. If you would like to find out more about, Wain, and the services that he offers, please go to - https://www.timetorelax.space/
A number of years ago, it must have been around 2013, I came across a term that fascinated me. I can’t remember how I came across this term, but what I do remember is that I was part of a quote by Carl Jung.
I even ended up writing an article about it around the same time. This was the quote that I came across: "Neurosis is always a substitute for legitimate suffering.
When someone is neurotic, it is a sign that they have got mental and emotional problems. Therefore, according to Carl Jung, the reason someone would experience life in his way is because they haven’t suffered.
However, he uses the work ‘legitimate’ to show that there is two types of suffering. The first type of suffering is ‘legitimate’ and this means that the second type of suffering must be ‘illegitimate’.
Black and White
Now, it can be normal for someone to believe that all suffering is bad, and this is likely to come down to what they have been told from the moment they were born. Regardless of whether someone is plugged into mainstream society or is into self-development, they could believe that the purpose of life is to ‘feel good’ and to be happy twenty-four hours a day.
With this outlook, it is going to stop them from being able to see how they could be something called ‘legitimate’ suffering. Yet, if they have embraced a hedonistic lifestyle, this is not going to be much of a surprise.
The First Kind
When it comes to ‘legitimate’ suffering, one of the best examples would be what someone goes though after they have lost a loved one. Someone they loved will have passed on and this will cause them to experience grief.
In this case, they will have face how they feel and to cry out the pain that is within them, amongst other things. The alternative would be for them to disconnect from how they feel and to carry on as normal.
The Second kind
In the short-term, this might not have much of an effect on them, but as time passes, this is likely to change. What they could soon find is that they feel depressed or numb, for instance, and this can then make it hard for them to function.
At this point, it may become clear as to why they are experiencing life in this way, and this can allow them to work through the pain that is within them. Then again, this might not take place, and they could end up being put on some kind of antidepressants.
Part of Life
In the western world, this is a common occurrence, and it is clear example of ‘Illegitimate’ suffering. Also, this kind of suffering could last forever; whereas ‘legitimate’ suffering should pass after a while.
What this shows is that when we face our pain, it can allow us to heal ourselves, but when we don’t, we can end up with all kinds of mental and emotional problems. Taking this into account, it shows how important it is for society as a whole to change how it looks at suffering and to no longer see it in a negative light.
No More Running
There are a number of ways that we can avoid ourselves, these include, but are not limited to: taking drugs, having superficial relationships, engaging in casual sex, over exercising, eating too much, and drinking too much.
So, if we live in a society that doesn’t encourage ‘legitimate’ suffering, is it really a surprise that so many people are neurotic? And if so many people are running away from their own inner demons, so to speak, it is any wonder that there are so many problems in the external world?
A New Outlook
In the same way that it is seen as acceptable for people to talk about their physical problems, it needs to be seen as acceptable for them to not only open up about what is going for them, but to work through their own pain, too. A lot has been done recently when it comes to the first part, and this is all well and good, but it is just the first stage.
The next stage is for people to live in a society that understands that ‘’legitimate’ suffering is normal, and this is one of the things that need to happen in order for people to be mentally and emotionally healthy. If we just focus on mental and emotional problems and say that this is just part of life, it would be similar to saying that being ill is just part of life and not doing anything about it.
In the same way that people generally don’t just get ill, they also generally don’t just end up with mental and emotional problems. And as more and more people come to accept this and to work though their own pain, the external world will gradually reflect this inner transformation.
Before I went to Mexico, in the middle of 2014, I ordered a few copies of ‘A Dialogue With The Heart - Part One: A Collection Of Poems And Dialogues From The Heart’. This was a book that I released towards the end of 2013.
The reason for this was that I thought it would be good idea to leave a copy of the book in certain places, and I thought that I might come into contact with people who would appreciate the book. I didn’t end up leaving any copies anywhere, but I did give a few copies away.
While I was there, I visited a historical site, and this was an incredible place. After I had had a look around, I came back down and waited for the bus to arrive, and it was during this time that I just happened to meet a woman who was into self-development.
She invited me to join her and her friend, who would be arriving later that day, for a meal that night. This wasn’t out of my way, though, as she just happened to be staying at the same resort as me.
An Inspiring Encounter
Both of these women were involved in education, and they were from Texas in America. If I remember rightly, I gave at least one of them a book, and I gave a few others away to people.
Shortly after I came back, I came into contact with someone who enjoyed reading the kind of dialogues that were in the ‘A Dialogue With The Heart - Part One’ book. As a result of this, I gave them the book to read.
A Positive Response
It didn’t take them long to read it, and they ended up telling me how much they enjoyed reading the book. One thing they said was that they thought it was amazing how I had the ability to put emotions into words.
I was surprised to hear this, and this was because of how this book had come about. When I was writing these dialogues and poems, I was in a hell of a lot of pain.
A Low Place
I had connected to my heart in order to settle my mind down, and what I had heard during this time was what went into this book. So, when I was writing these dialogues and poems down, I didn’t expect anyone to say that they were amazing.
Ultimately, I didn’t write them so that I would receive positive feedback from others – I wrote them to handle the emotional pain that I was in. It didn’t end there, as they said that they wished they could do the same thing.
Just after this, they said that not many people can do what I can do, and they then went into how they had thought about how not many people could do what they do. It was then as though this person felt inferior, which was why they had to elevate themselves in this way.
I didn’t expect to hear this, and this was due to the fact that the person who said this was extremely intelligent and successful in their career. I felt worthless at the time, and saw this person as having it all together.
I was just someone who was trying to feel better and to achieve something, whereas this was someone who was already recognised as someone who was an expert at what they did. Yet, beyond all this, it was clear that the view I had of myself wasn’t in alignment with the work that I was producing and that this person’s view of themselves also wasn’t in alignment with the life that they were living.
I think that this shows that even if someone comes across as being confident and secure, it doesn’t mean that this is actually the case.
Towards the end of 2007, I started to look for information on how to improve my success with women. After I had been reading about self-development for quite some time, this seemed like the next step.
During this time, I heard about a community that existed to help men improve with women. If I remember rightly, I heard about this community indirectly through what was mentioned in another book.
The Next Step
I ended up singing up to do one day of a boot camp, and this was a fascinating experience. Certain parts tested me, while there were other parts that made me wonder what was going on.
The reason for this was that the right amount of guidance wasn’t always provided; at times, it was as though certain trainers were just as lost as the students. There was one trainer who really stood out, though.
The Real Deal
When we were all ‘out in the field’, this guy was like some kind of army general. He wasn’t there to waste time or to watch students stand around; he was there to make sure that they approached women.
However, he wasn’t just standing around waiting for students to do this, as he was only too happy to show them how to do it. He was training other students, so I saw this from afar.
A Mixed Response
On one side, I felt a bit intimated by him, and, on another, I wanted to find out more about him. I remember complimenting him on the long red jacket that he wore, and this was before I started to wear read.
I soon found out that his name was Richard, and it wasn’t long before out paths crossed again. Through spending time with him, I came to see that he would approach women absolutely anywhere - nothing fazed him.
It Was Always On
It didn’t matter if he was on the tube, a bus, a train, in a shop or walking around a populated area, as he would comfortably talk to women. He made it all look so easy and effortless.
There is one moment that comes to mind that shows how good he was at approaching women and taking things further. There was a time when he approached a woman at a train station and it wasn’t long before he was kissing the same women.
A Different Outlook
In a way, it was as though he had some kind of super power. Still, through getting to know him, I found out that he hadn’t always been this way and that he had done thousands and thousands of approaches to get to this level.
I wanted to find out more about him as a person; I didn’t see him as someone who was there to fill my needs. I think that this was one of the main reasons why we became friends; whereas it was normal for other people to see him as someone who was purely there to help them with women.
I treated him in the same way that I treated my other friends. There is no doubting how much of an effect Richard had on my life; there was what he showed me directly and there was what I learned through simply being around him.
Through growing up in guest house my conversational skills were fairly developed, but approaching women was all new to me. This was then a time when I could improve on what I had already developed.